Why I walked down the aisle solo.

There were a lot of decisions Brad and I made regarding our wedding that were not traditional. For example, getting married at a Science Center. Or, dancing to “Pink Pony Club” — a song about a young woman moving to California, despite her mother's disapproval, to work as a dancer at a gay club — as our first dance.

Hell, we almost purchased 100 adult coloring books from Planned Parenthood to pass out as favors a way to say “fuck you” to the Science Center during a public outing between the two organizations.

Our informal motto was, “To hell with traditions; this is our wedding.”

The thing about weddings is, people take them way too seriously.

Brad and I were not hosting a wedding to uphold traditions or appease our family and friends; we were hosting a wedding to celebrate our love. And so, we wanted our wedding to authentically reflect who we are, both as individuals and a couple.

So yes, our wedding party did walk down the aisle to Theme from Jurassic Park.

And me? I walked down the aisle solo.

In the first sentence of this blog, I said that Brad and I made “decisions” to eliminate a lot of traditions one might typically find at a wedding.

For me, walking solo was never a “decision,” it just was.

From the moment Brad proposed to me from the moment I heard “Book of Love” by Peter Gabriel as my cue, I knew it’d be a solo trip. My dad, my stepdad, and my two brothers watched me from the front row.

Personally, having my dad (or any other male figure) “give me away” felt really, really icky and not true to who I am at this stage in my life.

For me, walking down the aisle solo was empowering.

It was about ridding myself of co-dependent behaviors I had clung onto entirely too long (people pleasing, approval seeking, sidelining my own feelings to protect others).

Sure, there was a small part of me that nearly “let” my dad join me, so that he wouldn’t be hurt. And yes, there was another part of me that wondered what people might think. But ultimately, I chose to honor myself.

Walking down the aisle by myself was about acknowledging past religious trauma and shedding traditions that make me uncomfortable. Customarily, the father "giving away" the bride symbolized the transfer of responsibility and ownership from the father to the groom. Respectfully, no. I am not a torch to be passed from one man to the next.

For me, it was the ultimate demonstration of self-love.

I love myself, and I love Brad, and I didn’t want or need any third-party approval — symbolic or otherwise.

When I look back at the ceremony pictures, I have no regrets. I see a strong woman, a sure woman, a woman who is walking down the aisle to her partner, her opposite, her equal.