100 things I love about myself.

My therapist recently gave me a homework assignment. I was instructed to list 100 things I love about myself. “100?!” I exclaimed. “I will struggle to come up with 10,” I said, already feeling overwhelmed and defeated.

She encouraged me to “cheat” by asking friends, family, and coworkers. I am not going to lie – It took a deep level of vulnerability to reach out to people and ask them to compliment me. It felt unnatural and arrogant and gave me an icky feeling, but I was blown away by some of the responses I received.

I started my assignment by listing adjectives, but the words felt so impersonal and rather generic, like I was working on a resume. Plus, I was quickly running out of adjectives. So, I started listing very specific statements about myself, and the self-love began to flow through me. I would encourage every single person to complete this assignment for themselves. It was, for lack of better words, truly therapeutic!

Statements:

I give thoughtful gifts. I enjoy being alone, but I have made deliberate effort to be more social and spend more time with friends. As a result, I have established new and meaningful relationships. I have high standards for myself and others. I am morally strong. I have a thick back bone and stand up for what I believe in. I love my home and how it’s always tidy (my car is an entirely different story). I like that I go to the library. I work on myself in therapy. I am never afraid to admit when I am wrong. I am quick to apologize. I have a clean driving record. I love my blog and how my words either provide laughter or make others feel less alone. I love how I am open-minded and not afraid to change my opinion when presented new information or perspectives. I am not afraid to express my emotions. I am low-maintenance and feel pretty without makeup. I don’t succumb to peer pressure. I am financially stable but am not “money hungry.” I love that material things don’t really interest me. I love that I love sports and am competitive. Even though I have been hurt, I am not afraid to be vulnerable again. I have great hair. I am not afraid to embrace and love my pale skin. I love my relationship with Brooke – my platonic soulmate. I pick quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. I love that I am going to be an over-achiever when it comes to this assignment and make a scrapbook page. I love that I have worked at Goodwill for more than eight years and am passionate about my career. I make my bed every morning. I find beauty in mundane moments. I love that my taste in music is ALL over the place. I am fairly non-judgmental (this is one of my biggest areas of growth as a human). I love that I cry easily. I have progressed politically and socially. I hate spending money on myself but have no problem spending money on others. I have long eyelashes. I am not afraid to talk openly about my struggles with mental health. I love my love for Bruiser. I am a strong content developer. I love deeply.

My own adjectives:

Passionate. Empathetic. Honest. Loyal. Self-aware. Introspective. Helpful to others. Organized. Successful. Independent. Hardworking. Genuine. Compassionate. Strong-willed. Witty.

Here are some statements from friends and family and a random guy at the gas station:

From Allison:

Your ability to share on public forums so that it allows others to see they aren’t alone (so basically normalizing mental health struggles.)

Your unashamed support of your family and friends.

Your ability to make others feel good about themselves. This may be completely off base, but I feel like your struggles with your own confidence help you be hyper aware of when someone else may be struggling with theirs, and then you build them up so well, and also in a genuine way.

How you push others to be better by sharing how you are pushing yourself to improve. Every time you share what you are working on, it helps people see they should probably also reflect on themselves and aim to improve where they are lacking.

How you support your friends behind their back. I feel like you fight and stand for your friends to their face and also when they aren’t around!

Your interior decorating skills. Your house is cute AF.

From Justine:

Your Irish goodbyes are the best!

Amazing foster mom!

Your complete transparency and raw emotion. In a world where people only post highlight reels, to see/read/hear the good/bad/ugly (even if it’s a pointless volleyball loss), it’s SO real and authentic. It’s inspiring … and allows me to validate my feelings instead of trying to put a pretty bow on them and pretend like all is good.

Telling friends the truth even if it’s uncomfortable.

The most beautiful eyes.

From others:

Great writer (Ben) Smile (Michael) Caring with a big heart (Kyle) Sweet and easy to talk to (Allie) You make others feel comfortable and important (Cory) You’re easy to beat in Mario Kart (Cory) – LIES Kind soul (Cari) Pretty as fuck (Random guy at gas station) Your laugh is infectious (Mom) You can spot a clearance sign from across the store (Mom) Your willingness to be open (Kaitlyn) Love of animals. Love for your role and company. Ability to communicate genuinely. Ability to recognize when you are feeling blue and find ways to work THROUGH it and not AROUND it. Cheerleader for others (Sarah)

From Brad, my biggest cheerleader and the king of words of affirmation. “You’re smart. You’re funny. You’re humble. You’re very personable. You’re articulate. You are empathetic. You’re crazy attractive. You’re witty. You’re compassionate. You’re socially conscious. You’re very passionate and driven.”

“Your passion regarding your work and your organization’s mission is incredible.”

“You have high moral standards.”

“Your love for Bruiser is palpable.”

“I love your competitive spirit, and that you can balance it with playfulness.”

“I love that you don’t give a fuck about fashion trends.”

“DAT BOOTY DOH.”

“I love that you’re crafty and also a jock.”

“Your freckles are adorable.”

“You abandoned your lifelong NFL team because of your strong moral backbone.”

Some other fun adjectives he has used to describe me:

Endearing, inspiring, breathtaking, and “oogle-able.” In closing:

I do love myself and believe myself worthy of love. I think I am a good daughter, friend, partner, employee, and most importantly – person. I can’t be sure, but I don’t believe my depression is rooted in lack of self-love. I don’t even know if I have depression, though I feel depressed at times. It’s all very confusing. I recently told a friend that my brain nearly-always feels “heavy” … that’s the only way I can find to describe it. I guess I just feel lost, and sometimes, I am lost in a dark place. And when I am lost, I beg for clarity or purpose or direction so I can find myself again. And I always do – but it’s a matter of navigating my way through a maze of darkness. The depth of the darkness is unpredictable, usually manageable, but at times, unbearable … like I will be lost forever, and no one will find me.

In spirit of this post, enjoy this picture of me with no make up or filter.