Brad's hat.

My and Brad’s first argument was about one of my friends. We’ll call her Anne. Anne was upset about something her husband’s mother had said about her. We’ll call the husband Paul.

He said, “What Paul’s mother thinks about Anne is none of Anne’s business.”

I was incredibly put off by this response. It seemed callous. It lacked any type of compassion or empathy.

I said something like, “Well, that’s a bit harsh.” When Brad doubled down on his response, I asked, “It’s natural to want to be liked, especially by in-laws. Won’t you be upset if my parents don’t like you?” He said, “No, not really. I know I am a good person. If I show up as my authentic self and they don’t like me, it says more about them than it does about me.

I didn’t know Brad super well yet, but honestly, I thought he was full of shit. Nobody can be that emotionally detached from what others think of them.

Well, over the years, I have learned that Brad was not full of shit. I have never seen anybody fully embrace who they are as a human with little regard for how others might perceive them.

Which brings me to the hat.

Last spring, we took a day trip to St. Augustine while visiting his grandparents in Palm Coast, Florida. Brad was determined to find a “Panama” style hat, but he has an abnormally small head. We struck out.

This spring, we returned to the same shop with the same goal. This time, his sister and brother-in-law joined us. Brad probably tried on two dozen hats with no luck. We finally realized there was an upstairs clearance section, and we thought we might have more luck up there. He probably tried on a dozen more hats. At this point, I feel like we were hat shopping for more than an hour (and I hate shopping).

And then he found it – THEE hat! He tried it on and looked in the mirror. Based solely on his smile, I knew it was the one. He radiated confidence. He turned around to show his sister, and she politely said, “Well, if you like it, that’s all that matters." (blog continued below the picture).

He didn’t even get a bag. He wore the hat out straight out of the store. His other sisters poked fun at the hat (what are siblings for?), yet he continued to wear it throughout the remainder of the trip, even during family pictures and as we navigated through the airport. He liked the hat, and that was all that mattered.

I think we all have a little (or a lot) to learn from Brad.

I leave you with a quote that is popularly and falsely attributed to Dr. Seuss:

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.