Our house smells like dog.

My ship reparation requires daily maintenance. For me, that looks like consciously reframing a lot of my thoughts. For example, I recently did the dishes and then went to the bathroom. I came back into the kitchen, and Brad was reorganizing all the dishes on the dishrack.

My first thought was, “He doesn’t even think I am capable of drying dishes.”

Then, I required myself to reframe. I changed the thought to, “Brad is compulsive.” That was the complete thought.

His reorganizing of the dishes had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him.

The more and more I practice reframing my thoughts, the more natural it becomes. I have started to notice that certain situations don’t even require a reframe – they are automatic. I had two of those today that I would like to share.

Tonight, Brad and I are hosting my best friend, Brooke, and her boyfriend, Patrick, for the first time. I was still in bed when Brad came into the bedroom and said, “Are you planning to go to the store today?” I said yes. He said, “Can you pick up some Glade Plugins? I came home from work the other day and realized the house smells like dogs. We don’t notice it because we are used to it. But Brooke and Patrick will.”

A previous version of me would have started panicking. “Oh my god, our house smells like DOG? How embarrassing. Brooke and Patrick are going to think we are dirty. We need to shampoo the carpet immediately.”

Instead, without missing a beat, I said, “Well, it makes sense that our house smells like dog, considering we have two of them.”

Brad said, “But what will they think?”

I replied, “What they think about how our house smells is none of our business.”

It may seem minor or non-significant, but these are “Aha!” moments for me. My repairs are working!

Later, after I was back from the store, Brad looked in the fridge and said, “You didn’t get any drinks for Brooke and Patrick?” I said, “What do you mean? There is Coke, Sprite, Vitamin Water, and Alani in there. Surely, one of those options will work for them.” He said, “But when we go to their house, they have such a huge drink selection.” I replied, “And we aren’t them.”

I realized that Brad was demonstrating a lot of thought patterns and behaviors that mirrored my old self. It’s like he subconsciously thought, “Well, Lauren clearly isn’t getting anxious about all of these details, so I have to.” I was able to look at his behavior through a new lens, and I realized it was an exhausting way to live. How did I ever do it? What do I gain by giving it up? Emotional freedom.

I am doing the work to repair my ship, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that Brad is a passenger who makes the process easier by carrying an equal mental load. But that’s a topic for a whole other blog.

Could your internal dialogue use a reframe?