This holiday season, DO protect your peace. DO NOT pluralize last names with an apostrophre.

Honestly, I have been struggling to find an “angle” for this blog, because I want to talk to November 2021 Lauren, and to anyone else who may struggle through the holidays, but I can’t “access” her anymore, because she doesn’t exist.

Last year, I weighed less than I had any right to weight, and I was bouncing around from family gathering to family gathering, doing my absolute best to not “ruin” the holidays for everybody else, going to the bathroom to cry, drowning the pain with Christmas-themed cocktails.

This holiday season, I feel brand new. But I try not to forget where I was 365 days ago, and my therapist encourages me to remember that feeling. The next time I feel that way, I can say, “Lauren, it does get better. It. Will. Get. Better.”

To anyone struggling with grief this holiday season, I give you permission to sit with that grief (I don’t know if I have the authority to do that, but I just did).

To anyone struggling to make ends meet during the month where our greedy capitalist economy insistently and endlessly pushes the narrative of consumerism, you don’t have to participate in one more Secret Santa gift exchange. It’s okay to say no, to sit this one out, to set boundaries. And it’s okay to gift presents that don’t cost a thing (i.e., a nice letter of appreciation).

To any parent out there who is afraid their child will think they were “naughty” this year because they got a pair of socks, and Garrett from his class got the newest game system, I want to cry for you. Please know you are doing the best you can, and your child knows that too.

To all who are struggling this time of year … Come, be weary.

And for anyone who needs alternative Christmas music this season, I have strategically created two thematic playlists.

If you are struggling with loss, or grief or loneliness and need to ugly cry in the bathtub, listen to Playlist 1: You’ll Fly Alone On Thanksgiving.

If you are struggling with denial or acceptance or anger and just need to scream in your car at the top of your lungs, listen to Playlist 2: Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass.

Playlist 1: Orchid by Jeremy Zucker (this song hits me in the feels) Holiday by Boys Like Girls Christmas Lights by Coldplay Blue Christmas by The Lumineers Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) by The Lumineers Winter In My Heart by The Avett Brothers February Stars by Foo Fighters Snow by New Found Glory A Long December by Counting Crows St. Patrick’s Day by John Mayer Colder Weather by Zac Brown Band Heather by Conan Gray 20 Years of Snow by Regina Spektor Tuning Out … By Bastille All Too Well (Sad Girl Autumn Version) New Year’s Day by Taylor Swift New Year Song by Andrew McMahon Evermore by Taylor Swift

Playlist 2:

Yule Shoot Your Eye Out by Fall Out Boy Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass by All Time Low I Can’t Keep Up With The Holidays by Mattsagraham Christmas Kind of Sucks by Peach PRC His Favorite Christmas Story by Capital Lights Alone This Holiday by The Used I Miss You by blink-1812 And just for fun: 12 Days of A Pop-Punk Pizza by Jarrod Alonge

If you are unhappy this holiday season, that’s okay. I urge you to only do two things:

1. Protect your peace. Other than giving myself grace, this is the number 1 thing I work on therapy.

2. Do NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE USE AN APOSTOPHE TO PLURALIZE A LAST NAME.

Enjoy some photos of my Christmas decorating (basically Bruiser spam).