"What other people think about you is none of your business."

Earlier this week, I believe I was wronged. Treated unfairly. Cruelly, even.

I don’t write this blog to cast blame or engage in drama, but rather, to demonstrate the emotional growth I have accomplished in the last year, through really hard and intentional work.

My mother’s best and longest friend – we’ll call her Sue – purchased Kansas City Chief tickets for my brothers, Andy and Matt. She chose not to include me.

For context, my late mother was a die-hard Chiefs fan, and my brothers and I had decided at her memorial that we would use her final paycheck to attend a game together.

When I learned about Sue’s gift to my brothers, my first thought as I began to cry was, “Why was I not included?” followed by, “Oh my god! What could I have possibly done to piss Sue off?” I started wracking my brain. “Well, she did reach out to me a month ago, and I never responded.” Then, I justified my lack of response to her. “I have been so emotionally depleted. I can’t be expected to respond to every message I receive about my mom. Would one text message warrant this level of pettiness?”

“STOP. JUST STOP, LAUREN,” my brain screamed at me.

I began working on my mental reframe.

I can’t control Sue. I can’t assign intent to her actions. I don’t know why she didn’t include me, and guessing why is serving nobody. I know that I am a good, fair person. I would never intentionally hurt Sue. I am not required to respond to every single text message I receive, and anybody who has an ounce of decency or compassion would understand how badly grief has taken its toll on me. If my lack of response hurt Sue, it is UP TO HER to communicate that to me. It is not up to me to GUESS what I have done to upset her. In fact, it is not up to me to ASSUME she is upset! Perhaps she is not including me for an entirely different reason I am unaware of or don’t understand.

But what it comes down to is, while this feels so incredibly personal, this isn’t about me. Not really. It’s about Sue and her decisions.

I sent a video of myself working through this thought process to my sponsor, and she said, “You nailed it. What other people think of you is none of your fucking business.”

As someone who has suffered from chronic people pleasing my entire life, this sentiment is incredibly difficult to accept, but it’s one that I work on diligently, and it’s one that has started to free me from the emotional prison that can be my brain.

I won’t allow Sue to occupy any more space in my brain, especially when that space is full of hypotheticals. Instead, I will focus on the plethora of people (including Internet strangers!) who have chosen to show me unconditional love and support during this horrifically hard time in my life.

The good is always there if we choose to see it.