Why did I cry ON my first date with Brad?

A little background: Brad loathes social media, which is ironic, considering social media is a large part of my profession. Anyway, I tell you this to let you know that he does not have any personal accounts that are active.

First and foremost, thank GOD my online dating days were short lived. But as one does, I would find every crumb of online information about a prospective date. And I was REALLY, really good at it. I could obtain photos of a date’s childhood home, his second cousin’s middle name, and what he had for dinner last Thursday. Then, I was very mindful not to accidentally mention any of these discovered details during dates.

Because of Brad’s lack of social media presence, his case was quite tricky. However, after some serious investigative work, I procured information that nearly caused me to cancel our first date.

While I could not find much information on HIM, I discovered his ex’s political nature, which was quite extreme. To me, Brad was guilty by association. Would I normally nix a romantic candidate for his political affiliation? Probably not. But given the current landscape of our country, if he was willing to be in a romantic relationship with someone who held inherently racist views (and clearly had no shame in sharing them publicly), he and I were not going to have aligned values.

I decided to go on the date anyway, only because our communication up to that point was a hell lot of fun. It felt incredibly natural and authentic.

In my mind, the best-case scenario was that he was politically ignorant or indifferent. Granted, this “best case scenario” was still bad, but I would rather someone have no principles than have principles and abandon them to gain or stay in a relationship. The worst-case scenario was that he showed up wearing a Trump 2024 shirt with an American flag hanging off a jacked-up truck.

Of all the first dates I had been on (Brad was my sixth), it was going swimmingly well. I got a rare evening text from a coworker, and I said to Brad, “I am so sorry to be rude, but I really need to see what this is about.” My counterpart had a scheduled media segment the next day, and he needed me to fill in. The topic was Goodwill’s reentry and expungement efforts. I relayed all this information to Brad.

Brad asked, innocently enough, “And how do you feel about that topic?” Based on the tone of his voice and the cadence of the sentence, I knew the question – and my answer – held weight for both of us.

Only because I went into the date believing he was a righteous, right-wing extremist, my reply was coated in defense.

“I think our justice system is broken and reentry efforts are crucial to reform. Did you know that we spend $60 BILLION in the United States per year to incriminate people? Having a criminal background is one of the biggest barriers to finding employment. If someone can’t find a job, they can’t become self-sufficient, and if they can’t become self-sufficient, they go back to what they know. Recidivism impacts minorities at a much higher rate not only because of lack of resources and poor policy, but because of systematic racism. At Goodwill, we work to remove those barriers, so people can break generational cycles.”

And then, I started crying. It’s not uncommon for me to cry when I become passionate about Goodwill’s mission. It is uncommon for me to cry on a first date.

Most men would have run for the hills, and I wouldn’t have blamed him. He texted me later that evening and said, “Empathy is a good look on you.”

P.S.

Turns out, Brad is one of the most enlightened, wisest people I know (politically and otherwise), and I am not just saying that because he is my boyfriend. He follows the /Presidents subreddit, is currently watching a docuseries on JFK, drinks out of a Joe Biden coffee mug, and reads the physical newspaper. He donates financially to charitable causes and can run a Jeopardy board. He completes annual surveys for the Arbor Foundation and pays for an app that identifies plants. He provides feedback to the New York Times when he doesn’t agree about a crossword clue. He attends our county redevelopment meetings on Tuesday mornings, skewing the average age by years.

Extra P.S.

His ex assumed a false identity, faking many of her principles to earn his favor, and the posts I saw were made after their relationship ended. Sadly, the same has happened to me.