Moving into together | the challenges

If you asked my entire family to describe what living with me is like, "easy" it not the first word (or 100 words) that would come to mind. I have many good traits, but being easygoing is not one of them.

Brad and I never really had a sit-down conversation about me moving in until the decision was already made. Eventually, he started saying, "Are you coming home after work or back to your house?" Or, I would say something like, "I need to go home," and he would reply, "You are home."

A week or two would go by without me stepping foot into my house, and I thought many times to myself," Why in the world am I paying more than $1,000 a month to have a SPARE house?" I was literally just using it to wash undergarments, because I have some weird complex where I don't like Brad seeing my underwear unless they are on me.

One day, I came 'home' and said, "By the way, I gave Justine my 60-day notice." And then I moved in.

Whew. In some ways, the transition has been way easier than I expected, and in other ways, it has been harder.

Here have been the major challenges, either for him, me, or both of us:

NIGHTLY ROUTINE

As a general rule, and this is just my personal preference, I believe couples should go to bed at the same time. We don't have to fall asleep at the same or even engage with each other (if I want to read while he watches TV, cool), but I want to "call it a night" in the same general timeframe. Not to sound like some 1950s misogynistic magazine, but to me, the bedroom is a sacred place. I want to fall asleep next to my person, and I want to wake up next to them, too.

When I was a "guest" at Brad's house instead of a live-in partner, our routine was to go to bed together. After I moved in, I quickly realized Brad falls asleep watching TV on the couch a large majority of the time. It's a routine that he deeply enjoys, and it's a habit I did not want to accept. He *actually* suggested we have different bedrooms for sleeping, and it caused our "biggest argument to date," according to Brad. We are actively still working through this challenge.

MORNINGS

Brad is a "It's a brand new day! The world is my oyster!" type. I am a "Press snooze 46 times, do NOT talk to me until 10:00" type. Most mornings, I am woken up from Brad listening to NPR (very loudly) or singing in the shower. Brad likes to follow me around in the morning, conversing. Recently, he said, "Do you know how grumpy you are in the morning?" I replied, "Yes." He said, "How do you feel about that?" I said, "Fine." So, basically, I am working on becoming a morning person. When I wake up early enough for us to get ready together, eat a piece of Brad's bacon and pour a cup of juice, I can see that it brings Brad great joy. So, basically, he is compromising at nights, and I am compromising in the mornings.

A SMART HOME

I had to download multiple apps, learn dozens of specific names for devices and memorize several codes just to exist in this house (we have more than 100 devices connected to Internet). Brad would get SO frustrated with me when I manually switched lights on and off, because it would mess up the entire system. The other night, I was doing dishes and I said, "How the hell do you turn the overhead sink light on?" Brad started HYSTERICALLY laughing and said, "The light switch." I have been TRAINED to NEVER touch any switches, but apparently, this was the only device in the house that requires it.

CLEANLINESS/ORGANIZATION

This is self-explanatory, but I am an "everything has a place" type, and Brad is, "the appropriate place is where I can see it." Also, I want to get rid of things ALL the time ... mail I know we aren't going to open, bottle caps, wine corks, pickle jars, etc., but Brad seems to have a reason to keep EVERYTHING. I will say, much to my dismay, Brad was keeping many empty candles; he recently "upcycled" them into plant holders for hostas, and they are quite adorable. Brad has done an AMAZING job at keeping things tidy and organized, and this has been a very pleasant surprise to me.

LAUNDRY

It's weird, because I am the "particular" one of us, but Brad had to teach me his "system" for laundry. I was highly encouraged to fold all of his clothes in "thirds," and he even offered me a training session. Why? I don't know, but it makes him happy, so that's what I do.

IN CONCLUSION

I asked Brad if he would like to provide any insight on this adjustment period, and he said, "Tell your blog people I don't believe in the Internet." After I encouraged him to be a little more serious, he said, "I don't know, babe. Just making this house OURS. Having different goals and visions. Different ideas for decorating. And, like, your feelings ... and sleeping habits. I am joking. Your blog people probably think I am terrible." Also, he is upset that I don't want to "get pets for our pets." Puppy Finn does not need a pet horse or goat.