My boyfriend and I have nothing in common.

My boyfriend and I have nothing in common.

With my former partner, my god, it was so easy. We were both passionate about sports, probably to an unhealthy degree. We spent all our free time playing volleyball. If not playing volleyball, we were making bets on ping pong matches or cornhole games. We were die-hard Cleveland Brown fans.

Brad was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when he was 10, and he was pulled from all sports. He, instead, pursued theater, and he was stellar at it. If someone offered me a million dollars right now to sing on key, and EVEN LET ME PICK MY OWN SONG, I could not do it. I don’t even know what a “key” is! To this day, Brad is a bit dumbfounded that I can’t understand the difference between a melody and a harmony. One time, I even asked him what a “bridge” was.

And … reversely, I wanted to throw up on myself when he used the term “spike” after my most recent volleyball match.

He is a theater “nerd.” I am a “jock.” He loves politics. I hate politics. He hates that I hate politics. He is a morning person. I press snooze at least six times per morning. He loves big cities. I prefer beach vacations. He hates sand. I am a sand volleyball player. I always find sand in random places – between my toes, in my ears. He loves cooking. I burn popcorn. Brad works in the tech industry. I require training to turn the TV on and off.

It was early on in our relationship – we couldn’t have been dating for more than a month of two, and I remember this conversation distinctly. I said, “Does it bother you that we have nothing in common?”

He asked me to clarify.

I, a person with anxious attachment style said, “WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON.”

He replied, “Of course we do. I am a grown ass man, and I pay thousands of dollars a year to a therapist to help me identify what I want in life and in a partner, and it’s appearing to be a rarer personality than I had hoped. We may not have the same hobbies and interests, but we have the same values, morals and belief systems, and that’s what matters.”

He was, of course, right.

I persisted, “Maybe we can find a hobby to share?”

So, I sat in his bed on a Sunday morning, and I Googled “Hobbies.” I remember reading them off. I remember being intrigued by beekeeping.

IF YOU ARE A MOM OR SIBLING OR GRANDPARENT, SKIP THE NEXT PART.

I remember him suggesting “sex” as a hobby. I remember going down a whole different rabbit hole to determine if sex would classify as a hobby. Per the definition of a hobby, an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure, it could technically count, but I vetoed that.

So, we didn’t agree on a hobby that day, but what we HAVE done … is adjusted. Made sacrifices.

Brad joined my work bowling league, despite not really liking it, and he watches volleyball matches with me when I ask (and sometimes, when I am not even home!), which is what inspired this post. He texted the word “joust,” and I smiled ear from ear.

Last summer, I went to a Motion City Soundtrack concert (pictured), despite not knowing who they were. I actively follow John Mayer and Fall Out Boy subreddits, so I can talk in-depth with him about various topics relating to two of his favorite artists (both of whom I liked prior to meeting him, just not on an avid level).

I, a person who is not much of a TV or movie watcher, have watched more “new” shows in the last year than my entire life combined – Ted Lasso (LOVE), The Last of Us (love), King of the Hill (love), Bob’s Burgers (took some time, but now I am obsessed), Black Mirror (love), Stranger Things (meh), The Bear (meh), John Maloney stand-up comedy (love), Avatar (hated).

There really is no true point or angle to this post other than my own reflecting. While past partners have felt like soulmates because of how much we had in common on the surface, there is something oddly romantic about pursuing new interests for the sake of your partner – AND having independent interests in which they are not involved. Also, I think it just makes us more well-rounded people. Watching new shows, listening to new podcasts, discovering new music, picking up a new sport – that’s all good stuff.

As I was trying to come up with a conclusion for this post, I got a notification on my phone. Brad just added a massage appointment (for himself) to our shared, color-coded household calendar. His is on PTO while I am working this week, so the appointment does not impact me whatsoever (he could go, and I would have never known any differently), but he likes having our calendar up-to-date. Maybe we have more in common than I realized!